Tupperware Party
------------------------
Kathryn scraped the undercarriage of her SUV as she pulled into Anne's typically tilted Mission District driveway. Kathryn never imagined Anne Rice would have a home as humble as what presented her only 10 feet from the street. She did some calculations in her mind in order to make the best decision about where to park her Ford Edge. There were only four cars in the smaller than average San Francisco driveway, and space was becoming quite the conundrum for Kathryn.
After finally navigating the tight spaces, she felt like she had done a considerate enough job. A final glance in the rear view mirror to confirm her make-up didn't need a touch-up, and a deep sigh to gather emotions. She hated these kinds of events. But Anne had been so persuasive over the phone that she couldn't refuse. And of course; it was Anne Rice.
She could hear the bustle of a good time from the driveway, but this was nowhere near enough to quell her apprehension. She held her finger over the ivory doorbell, and paused. One last collection of consciousness to brace herself for small talk and cynicism.
The doorbells chimed in a way you would expect from a home owned by Anne Rice. A gothic melody of magic. Kathryn heard a distant "coming!" from amongst the chatter. The door opened. It was Anne.
"Hello my darling!"
She threw her arms around Kathryn's shoulders, leaving Kathryn with the option of going under Anne's. Anne embraced her as if she were Kathryn's mother. A welcome emotion she hadn't felt in decades.
"Ah!" exclaimed Anne in a piercing delight, "I'm just so glad you could make it!" Anne's voice contained an air of relief. If coming along was for the sole purpose of supporting Anne, it was worth it.
Anne grabbed Kathryn's arm just above the elbow and pulled her down the hall and into the living room, where seven others were standing and mingling.
"Kathryn Bigelow!" came a cry from the furthest corner of the room. Kathryn could feel her nerves internally standing on end. Seth MacFarlane was always over the top in his greetings. He broke away from his conversation with what Kathryn could make out was Jason Silva. She loved Jason's work. But alas it was MacFarlane so eager to greet Kathryn.
"Kathryn!" Seth praised loudly, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room, as if her presence hadn't been announced enough already, "It's so cool that you could make it!" he proclaimed as he gently held her left elbow and reached out for a double-cheeked kiss.
Kathryn responded warmly, which was only polite. She never had much time for Seth MacFarlane. He was beyond witty and in her mind one of the most talented comics in America, but his skill came at an immense cost. He was just too inconsiderately imbecilic. She often pondered the vast contrast between IQ and EQ, and how people can so often be extremely high in one sector whilst extremely lacking in the other.
Just before he could blast into idiotic smalltalk about her latest project, there came a shrilling *ting!* *ting!* *ting!* from the centre of the living room. Kathryn turned with relief to see Anne in her typically stunning purple velvet calling to attention the talent laden attendees.
The room quickly quieted and Anne asked everyone to sit.
"Everyone. Thank you all so much for coming. I understand it's a small group, and a long trip for all of you," she began with, accompanied by polite snickering, "I'm just ever so surprised no-one could bring their partners."
"We wanted to keep ourselves available!" sputtered Seth.
Kathryn rolled the imaginary eyes inside of her head.
"Oh Seth! Please!" exclaimed the beautiful Victoria from the opposite couch on which Kathryn was sitting. Victoria Beckham had been a mentee of Doris Day's, and coming to any event she was hosting was a given in Victoria's mind. She was a lot more frank with Seth about her disdain for his out of place satire.
"Yes, Seth," continued Anne, "please. We are all responsible aristocrats here."
"Speak for yourself Annie!" Zach Galifianakis piped up from the corner couch, referencing his recent lack of work and unfortunate tax deductions. There was a far more expressive giggle from the group this time. Zach was a lot more warm a comedian. Not quite as sharp as Seth, but a lot balanced in his IQ and EQ metering.
"Please, everyone. I know we are all large personalities here, but let's try and keep it to one conversation for now?" Anne mused, in a questioning tone rather than a polite request.
"Now, Doris has called us all here for an extremely important cause. One that none of us would have responded to if we didn't believe in what she was doing." The group all nodded amicably.
"Doris has asked me to host the evening, and as host she wanted me to chair proceedings as well."
"Well I'm glad someone brought their own chair!" piped Robin Williams, with a blurt of his own narcissistic laughter. Robin Williams wasn't narcissistic at all, he just enjoyed his own jokes.
"Robin, please! I am trying to talk!" retorted Anne. "Now, let me get straight to proceedings as I can see keeping you all attentive is going to be harder than writing for my teenage audience sector."
The group erupted in a cheerful giggle. It seemed more polite than responsive, though.
Anne continued as if nothing happened, "Doris, would you like to say a few words before I get into it all?"
Doris, looking delightfully elegant despite her ailing health at 87, shook her head in a confident sort of way.
"Right then. So! You all know why you've been invited, and again thank you for being here," continued Anne in a grateful tone, "but let me tell you what it is that you have been invited for.
Some time last year, Doris wrote to me with the most hideous description of what the feral cat and dog population of LA looks like. Friends, let me tell you, it is atrocious.
We then conversed over email about how we could raise awareness and funds to end the scourge of feral animals in the major cities of our beautiful country."
This is why Kathryn was here. She loved animals, she had three cats of her own.
Anne continued with her firm but convincing tone, "We came to the conclusion that coupling our channels of influence with our combined intelligence..."
Seth spluttered on his Diet Coke. Kathryn found that ironic.
Anne rebuilt her sentence, "...with our combined intelligence, we could come up with a plan that could effectively end feral animals in our country."
Doris jumped in. Being frail and quiet, she raised her finger first, Anne immediately turned toward her and paused.
"I have a goal, everyone," her voice was barely above whisper level, "that we can end the feral animal problem within the next ten years. I very well may not be around then, but of all the things I am passionate about..." she coughed on a clearly dry throat. She gracefully took a sip of her gin and continued, "Of all the animal projects I am passionate about, this is the one I want my legacy to leave." She stopped and looked up from the group back to Anne, indicating she was done.
"Thank you, Doris. And we believe in this goal. That is why we are all here." Anne responded.
"So you see, this is a Tupperware Party with a difference. I want to sell you something that could literally change the world."
Sir Terry Pratchett leaned forward and piped up and raised his right hand, "excuse me Anne!" his hand shaking conspicuously from his disease, "but you don't need to convince us about buying into this project. We are behind you and Doris with our whole hearts. Please, don't be apologetic. This means the world to Doris, and so it means the world to us!"
Terry had always been one of Kathryn's favourite humans. He was, in her mind, by far the most intelligent person in the room. Not only that, he was immensely generous. The fact that he even flew out from London in his condition showed emphatically what kind of a friend he was.
The night had officially begun. Two hours later, Kathryn had settled and was a lot more comfortable with the brainstorming and invigorating dialogue. This really was a Tupperware Party with a difference. Anne mused how she had paid for her first typewriter selling Tupperware, and she was so thankful all those years of hosting such parties came in handy for a cause so great as this.
------------------------------
This post was a lot of fun to write! But extremely difficult. I hope it wasn't boring, as I can't imagine how a Tupperware Party for celebrity Animal Rights Activists would come out.
In tribute to all my fellow writers, I compared them with celebrity characters that reflected what I had got to know about them from engaging on Twitter, Facebook and their Blogs.
And please, Nick! Don't take any offence at the picture I painted about Seth MacFarlane. It was purely for story reasons, no innuendo intended whatsoever!! :)
Kathryn Bigelow: www.meganshead.co.za/
Anne Rice: https://medium.com/@ricegirl2
Terry Pratchett: http://bloggsymalone.wordpress.com/
Seth MacFarlane: https://medium.com/@nick_frost
Zach Galifianakis: https://brettfish.wordpress.com/
Doris Day: https://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/
Robin Williams: http://squidsquirts.blogspot.com/
Victoria Beckham: www.kerrycontrary.com/
Post a Comment